Things got even worse

Well, here is what that little angel looked like, but he is 3 years old in this picture. Let me tell you what led up to this. I was 3 months pregnant when Jose started telling me that he would have more if he were single. His friends were better off because they had gold and nice clothes and nice trucks...etc. I reminded him that he had a house and children and a new truck. He was so skinny and wouldn't eat at home. I didn't know what to do. His brothers would stop by infrequently and they loved my cooking. I started to notice that when his family was around he would do everything in his power to insult me viciously. I didn't appreciate that, because I feel that respect is important. If I had anything to say to him I waited until we were alone, and did not want anyone else to hear. He didn't feel the same way. He would be home and just disappear, he would spend all of his time in the basement and half the time would sneak out and be gone for hours. Secretly, I was glad. I didn't have to deal with his mouth at those times. It was 1999 and times were good financially, but I was still working the part-time job to pay for the truck and to send extra money to Honduras so that my sister-in-law could attend college to become a teacher. I found out that my sisters-in-law here were referring to me as "the whale". That hurt, but keep in mind I am pregnant, 5'8" and I weigh 180 lbs. They, however are 5'0" and weigh about the same as me. But I choose to wear clothes that fit and don't try to squeeze into a size 10 miniskirt and tube top. I am opposed to having more rolls than a bakery. The other thing that was criticized was that I dress "like a man", or a "drug dealer". I wear nice jeans, a dress blouse, and high-heeled black boots. Most of my other friends (also Chicana) dress the same way. I will never understand these Honduran women. Speaking of which, the ex-girl from Honduras is also calling the house from various pay phones and when I answer she says she is "his friends wife", and she needs to talk to him. I remember the voice, I give him the phone and wait, he tells her "no puedo" WHAT! what happened to "No quiero"...well, that opened a new can of worms. He admitted that one night when he was mad at me he called her. HEARTBREAK! We aren't talking at all, and he is sleeping on the couch. I got the cable bill and there are $700.00 worth of porno on demand on the bill. I lost the cable, phone, and the internet. He can't be home, he needs to watch TV. He sleeps in the house, after 2am in the morning. He leaves at 6am to work. I am going insane. I am pregnant, working 2 jobs, taking care of kids, and dealing with high bills and now he won't pay anything in the house. Yep, he stopped contributing to the household. Because, we were making him poor. Funny, he didn't buy any clothes or gold, or anything else for that matter. One night I came home from the second job at 3am after stopping at my mom's to get my kids, he was there and he had destroyed the house. He overturned all the beds, he smeared dog poop from the yard on the kids' bed. He said he did it because the rooms were messy and the kids didn't pick up the dog poop out of the yard. I was shocked to say the least. He was wild-eyed, and I wondered if he was insane or possessed by a demon. I went and put my bed together, yes, 8 months pregnant, and crawled into my bed with 2 very scared babies. When we woke up in the morning he was gone. I was glad. It took me three days to put everything back in order. Autumn turned to winter and he spend all of his time in the basement or gone. My water broke on New Year's Day at 3 in the afternoon, it was time. Jose screamed at me for over an hour. He didn't want to take me to the hospital. He had other things to do. I finally got him to take me, but he left me at the door and wouldn't carry my bag in for me. "What is wrong with him?" My mother picked up the kids and left them with one of my sisters and she came to be with me at the hospital. My sweetheart was born at 10:01pm 01/01/2000. He was too small, only 5 lbs and he looked like a little old man. I knew something was wrong. I took him home and the kids loved him, but he wouldn't eat, he looked jaundiced. I took him to the pediatrician, he wasn't available, I saw a different doctor. "his color could be due to his being bi-racial" WHAT??? I insisted on a blood test...he wieghed 4lbs 4ozs. We went home. The doctor's office called and told me to take him to Children's Hospital. We went to the emergency room and they admitted him to the hospital. He was jaundiced. The specialists came into the room around 4am. They talked to me about a Rare Liver Disease that they wanted to test my baby for. OK. They came and took a ton of blood from my very little baby. They had biliruben lights on him 24hours with no change. The specialists came back, he had the disease. I died a little. I cried. I prayed. His dad still hadn't seen him or cared to. Jose would not answer a page. My son was 5 days old before his father saw him, in the hospital with a feeding tube in his nose. Jose began accusing me of causing the disease, what had I done to make him sick, was I too lazy, did I eat the wrong things, or worse did I not exercise enough or did I do something evil that I was being punished for? GREAT!!! I already feel devastated, now it is my fault. He told his family that the baby was sick because I was a smoker before I was pregnant. Nice huh? Well, turns out that the disease Alpha 1 Anti-trypticene is a GENETIC abnormality that came from his side of the family. His mother lost four jaundiced babies. I thank the lord my baby was born in the USA. He is fine, and is checked every year by the same specialists. I guess the point is that when I needed him most, he was not there for me.