I Wish I Had Seen the Signs

Well, the situation continued along in much the same way for a year and some months. Jose stopped showering regularly; he wore the same stinky clothes with holes and all. He was irrational and crazed most of the time. Fortunately, he wasn't around much and when he was, he stayed in the basement starting projects and never finishing them. I don't think he was sleeping at all it seemed. He was gone all weekend and he now had a cell phone that he didn't answer. I wasn't thinking that he was being unfaithful, because, honestly, who would want him. He was really getting to be gross as hell. I started referring to him as "Scruffy". The kids had plays or needed to be picked up from events and would make me promise not to send "Papi". Yes, it was that bad, that the children were ashamed of him. By this time, I was tele-commuting for my job as a travel agent and servicing the Miami office in Spanish and English. It was better than having to leave to commute to the office everyday, and of course casual Friday took on a whole new meaning. The biggest problem with working from home is that you can end up actually living at work. I did that. I didn't take any breaks and I was working more hours than were required. I was salary so there was no monetary benefit. Jose would occasionally come to my bedroom and have sex with me. Not together mind you; it felt more like I wasn't even there. Ladies you know what I am talking about. It made me cry, and feel even worse about myself and the situation. I had lost a substantial amount of weight and was back to kick boxing at the dojo a few times a week taking classes, but I felt dizzy and tired and I felt like I had indigestion and bloating most of the time. Additionally, I was still working all weekend at the convenience store for extra money to pay off the truck. Jose was making $1000.00 or more every week but if I was lucky he would hand over a couple hundred and we had a ton of bills. Well, kind readers, yes, I was pregnant again. Isn't it funny how fertile you are in the first year after having a baby? The act had been very infrequent and yet I was pregnant. I continued along with the same routine, minus kick boxing and went on with life and the family. The new baby was due two years to the day of Teo's birthday. Life was sad, lonely, and I was broke, but I keep moving ahead and tried to make things better. I didn't know how to, but I tried anyway. I was working at the station the night of 9/11 and I worked so hard to get everyone the fill up they wanted and avoided the cars that almost hit me, I was six months pregnant. My life changed the weekend after Halloween. Everything changed and I saw the light. As is the case with most change it was painful, very painful. We had a regular customer that would come to the station and he was noticable "Fabulous" if you catch my drift. I am generally very popular with "Fabulous" men, partly because I enjoy their cattiness. This one, however, always was just shy of outright rude to me all the time. I found that odd. This night he came in, bought cigarettes, and finally spoke his mind. "You seem like a nice person, and I really want to hate you!" "Why?" I countered with shock. "OK, I will tell you. Your husband is going with my mom." I was in shock, that familiar cold feeling swept through me. I wanted to cry, shout, strangle, or kill someone. I did nothing. I was crushed. "You must have me confused with someone else." "No, I don't he said you worked here and my mom has me come in here so she can see what you look like, and you are the only one that is always here when he says you are working. Jose's (he said JoZEE) description of you is different though." I remained as calm as I could. I asked if I could talk with his mother. She was outside in the car watching us talk. He went to get her My heart was pounding and I was short of breath. She came in. She was six feet tall, indian, short black hair, tattoos on her neck, arms, and legs. She was mannish. She proceeded to tell me that Jose was in love with her and I wouldn't give him a divorce. I asked her to wait and we would clear this up. As I dialed the house, I felt powerful for the first time in a long time. "Jose, your girlfriend is here and you have five minutes to get here or get the hell out of my house." I hung up the phone. Mary, the girlfriend, waited for him outside. I explained to my good friend that I was working the shift with that I had to go and deal with the situation. She understood and I punched out. I called my sparing partner from the dojo, who is also my best friend to come down and watch my back. She did. Rememeber folks I am due in 2 months and dealing with this garbage and the mess he has given me.