I will be adding more soon

I have been working on a new manuscript and have been busy. I will be continuing with the story of what happened and why I am writing books now. Love to all of you! You are truly beautiful people.

Amongst the Wreckage

The pictures are Jose before and after, I couldn't get them in the right order. These photos were taken less than a year apart. I awoke just after 10am and the children were awake and letting me sleep. My eyes were swollen and nearly shut. My mouth was dry and my throat was dry, burning from thirst. My head was pounding. I didn't even want to think and I especially did not want to feel. The hotels check-out time was noon so I have to make a decision quickly about whether I was going to stay another night or go home and deal with the wreckage there. After a few phone calls that I thought I wanted to make but I really didn't want to talk, I decided to go home with the kids and make plans. I put the kids in my car and headed for the store. I didn't know why, but that is where I went. We were wandering aimlessly through the store and I realized that I wanted to buy a new set of door locks. I bought them and prayed I could get them installed before he got to my house. We went home and I circled the block about five times looking for Jose's truck. It wasn't anywhere around. I parked in off the alley and hustled the kids inside. The house was trashed. I was devastated. The refrigerator was open and my office file cabinets were dumped out all over the office. I gave the baby to my daughter and the older kids started trying to put the house to rights. I went in search of tools, I had never changed a doorknob, but I was going to do it now. Changing a doorknob is HARD, especially when you have no idea what you are doing adn charged with fear that you will be attacked at any moment. I finally got it done on the back door only, when Jose drove his truck into the alley and onto the parking slab. What do I do? What can I do? Well, I shut and locked the door, that was a start, but the front door was still the same lock. He tried to open the door, he couldn't, he tried to unlock the door, he couldn't, he started to pound and yell. I called the police. He went to the front door and I sent the children to my room. He was furious and half-crazed. "The police are coming" I backed away from him. "I don't give a shit." He was steadily advancing and looked dangerous. There was a knock on the door. Thankfully, it was the police. I spoke with them and asked them to take him away and I was going to swear out a protection order. I was floored when they told me that I couldn't make him leave because he is my husband, but I was free to leave and I couldn't take my babies. WHAT??!! Believe it or not readers, that was the assitance that I received from the police in my town. None. I couldn't afford to go to a hotel again. My mom and sisters didn't have the room for all of us. I had to think of something until I could get him out of the house. I called an old friend of mine from Durango and asked him for help. He told me that he could offer Jose a job taking some pickup trucks down to Nuevo Laredo for him and that would buy me some time. I agreed and gave him Jose's cell number. He called him after 9pm. The kids and I stayed in my room and I put the other lock on my bedroom door. Jose pounded on my door and called me filthy names and advised me that he was leaving for Nuevo Laredo in the morning. Relief! I spent the night in and out of sleep, worrying about everything and feeling sorry for myself. I heard Jose leave at 4am. I assumed that he left for the trip, but I really didn't know. I waited until 8:30 to leave my room. Noone was in the house exept for me and the kids. I went to the upstairs windows at the back of the house and the truck was gone. I woke the children and the six of us cleaned the house until 2p, and then we sat down to talk and decide what to do. The kids were upset, understandably, and they wanted their papi back, but they were afraid of him too. I told them that I was going to the courthouse on Monday to get a restraining order to keep him away from the house and to try and make life normal again. Until then, we needed to stay close and work through everything as a team. I was so confused about everything, it was like living in a nightmare, my life was a lie and I didn't know. I was so stupid that I didn't see the signs for what they were. I couldn't let a tweaker stay in my house putting me and the children in danger. My new baby was due in less than a month and I knew it was a little boy. I didn't know how we were going to make it, but then I realized that I was doing it all myself anyway. I was a good provider, I would make it work. I just had to get everything started on Monday, tomorrow, I had to call into the office think up a good lie, I couldn't let anyone know what kind of a mess that I found myself in.